can't seem to sleep tonight either. have no idea what's going on in my mind or my body. no fullmoon, no nothing. but I still can't sleep goddamnit. "do I have anything on my mind? does anything bother me?" that's the question that I've asked myself thousands of times today and I don't know.. or actually I do know. jag är så jäkla less på sättet jag måste ta hand om killen på. sägar bara det, vill inte prata destomer om det på nätet. jag har inte hittat nåt hotell som vi kan bo på i MIAMI ännu, vilket fan betyder att jag inte ens vet om vi kan fara nu sist och slutligen. jag vill INTE bo på nåt jäkla hostel i ett rum med 6 andra människor som du inte vet något om. vill inte behöva fundera om jag kommer ha nå kläder kvar på rumme eller om jag kommer ha knark gömt i väskan när jag ska vara på semester. INTE! då kommer problem två, alla bra och "okej" prissatta hotell är bokade, d.v.s. vi måste boka ett dyrt hotell och hur ska vi få ihop det? plus att i detta "fantastiska" land måst man vara 21 för att bo på vissa hotell.. typiskt då dom som sku ha haft lediga rum, var okej prissatta och nära stranden. så det går inte så bra. nån som har vunnit på lotto nyligen och vila pröjsa hotell åt oss?

and sat I had my "one day of eating junk per week day" and I never should have let myself eat anything. so stupid. I know myself better than that. now I have been walking around all day thinking about chocolate, brownies, hamburgers, chips, ice cream, frosting, pancakes, fudge, makuunikarkki, don special.. yeah you name it. and I've been fighting this war in my head if I should eat some candy or not (cause there is choco in the pantry). I won over the crawings luckily, but it was close. I'm never eating junk again, never.

I really wanna sleep. really. but I just can't

thinking about my best friend, who is facing the most beautiful, fantastic, joyful day of her life and I can't be there to share her happiness. that kills me everyday. I don't wanna share from a far, I wanna be there. but I guess that ship has sailed. I wish you all the luck, I know you'll do great! I love you and I'll see you both soon..

also thinking about March 7th, when I'm gonna meet the man that I loved for 2 years.. the man that I saw fading away as the train left the station 6 months ago. I have no idea how I'm gonna feel, I have no idea how I'm gonna react.. all I know is that I'm scared, nervous, anxious, excited and happy.. all at the same time.

March and April will both quickly go by.
Dad, Mom and J will be here the first half of April (can't wait)
After that there is hardly anything left.
And then I'm finally gonna stand there,
mitt i Jeppis..